"tu no sirves pa' matar, sirves pa' que te maten"

How cool are those lyrics??

4 years in this concrete jungle and my, what changes have occurred. I don't even recognize that lowly country mouse who sought out new and exciting adventures in the big city....

you've come a long way baby ;-)

decisions. decisions. choose wisely....

breathe in. breathe out. repeat.

he would rather exclude himself from his own circle of friends to sit out with me. but if he was here alone, he'd totally be down with them

I - DON'T - GET - IT.....

so I got my best outfit on, did my hair and makeup....to show up and sit here????

wtf?!?!

yeah u drink and ill watch u

How long will I continue to live this double life?!?!

How long must I?!?!?!

The outer shell is reserved and complacent....but inside, the demons party til dawn.

Wow. A sort of nirvanic feeling seeing everyone around me live it up and enjoy life -- as I'm sitting and just watching it pass me by.

Starving -- for attention; for excitement; for a break; for change.

Indifference. Sadness. Lack of motivation. Sadness.

Defeat.

*sigh*

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!! Do I feel happy? Guilty? Pissed? Relieved? Frustrated? Stressed? Angry? Lax? Destructive?

All of the above....

the only thing i don't like about mobile blogging is that i can't add a title....grr

Mobile blogging....welcome to the age of technology, Nellie =)

crisis mode

i am now operating in crisis mode....

for how long?

not sure.

need to reboot and enter safe mode -- stat!

when?

when will it be my turn? or am i supposed to make it happen? life is confusing...and yet, things are so clear.

don't know what to expect in these next few months, but i do know one thing: i cannot and will not continue teaching!! it's just not me anymore...

what is me?

who knows -- not me....

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

ants all over the class? check.

kids acting up because it's hooooooot outside? check.

air conditioning that acts up? check.

layoff notice? check.

3 DAY WEEKEND?!?!?!?! CHECK!!!!!

and.....I don't have to be in class Monday through Wednesday....

happy thoughts, happy thoughts ;-)

Tuesday!!

It's Tuesday...which means I just saw another car show!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............when will the madness end?!?!?!

Why am I so fixated on car shows??!? Why is my life measured by them?!?! How do I escape them and the mundane routine they represent?!?!

so....

i guess i'm back to this blog, cuz my other one is supposed to be kept "professional"...i hate this double life i have to live as a teacher....on the one hand i'm a role model and on the other, i don't give a sh*t! it's hard when the two collide....whatever.

so i'm trying to not let all this recent ish consume me, but it sure is trying. it's like the more you try to not think about it, the more it's constantly on your mind...

work sux, btw. but, you already knew that. 50 more days, 50 more days =/

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

i hate feeling jealous!! ihate that i cant stop feeling jealousy!!! grrrrrrr

life happened...

between my last post and my most recent one....two years passed and i didn't write a thing -- not a one.

Another Tuesday, another car show

It seems like my life as of late is measured by car shows. They hold these car shows every Tuesday where my bf works and for the past month and a half, all I recall are these car shows. Go to work, go to lunch, pick up baby, go home, car show. Go home, sleep, go to work, lunch, baby, car show. Repeat. Repeat.

But for how long?

It feels like time is a blur and I can't remember enjoying anything anymore.

I have to put an end to this cycle...

hopefully before the next car show...